Bumblebees In My Bathroom.

* This memory is a continuation of the 'Life's A Bitch And Then You Marry One' memory.

I was married to Bonnie for eighteen years and for the most part I absolutely loved being married to her. However, there are times that I look back to when I fell in love with her and wonder if maybe we got married a bit too soon. Afterall, I did marry my first girlfriend; I had never experienced what it was like to be in a relationship with any other woman.

I must admit that my marriage to some degree would be an escape for both of us. For me it would be my escape from the myopic one track life that I had been raised in while living under my mother’s roof. Although I do recall how much I was deeply in love with Bonnie and how happy she made me feel. However I now have regrets about marrying my first girlfriend back when I did. Getting married to Bonnie when I was 22 years old will always be one of those life events that I wish I could have a do-over.

Going through a divorce had been by far the toughest experience up to that point in my life. Bonnie’s actions inflicted me with such overwhelming heartache, sadness and depression that I had even given thought about pulling the plug on my own life. I sobbed and cried myself to sleep countless nights and I depleted my cell phone battery numerous times begging Bonnie for us to save our marriage. She always was so callous, so matter-of-factly telling me that I needed to get a hold of myself. I would find another woman who would make me happy and that I needed to move on from her.

Blah Blah Blah.

Once it became crystal clear that my marriage was indeed over, I needed to find another place to live. I had given some thought that since I was now on my own, it would be a great opportunity for a fresh start up in Muskoka. I had always wanted to live in Huntsville someday. My contract as an owner-operator would be ending in June of 2001 and I was not interested in renewing or extending my contract. I had been doing the same job basically for the last twenty years; I was now ready for a change, something different. I was already sick and tired of the ice cream business as well I was fed up with all the new Government regulations along with the soaring costs to operate my truck.

However, there was a little ten year old girl that would be preventing my move up to Muskoka at this time, my daughter Stephanie. I shouldn’t say Stephanie prevented me from moving up north, it just did not make any sense logistically for me at that time. Stephanie would be living with Bonnie in Mississauga and she would be spending every other weekend with me. I would always have access to my daughter during the week so I wanted to be living relatively close by.

For me to be living two hours north then attempting to pick up Stephanie on a Friday by 6 pm would be next to impossible. After our drive back up north with all the cottagers, my round trip would be a minimum of five or six hours. Our Sunday afternoon drive back to Mississauga with all the cottagers also heading home would take even longer. During the winter months there would always be the constant bad weather adding even more hours to the time we spent in the car.

Basically, I figured my weekends with my daughter would be spent for the most part on the road in my car. I decided that my move to Muskoka would need to be put on hold for at least a few years. Once I decided I wanted to live relatively close to Stephanie, my only other decision would be where I wanted to live.

The Esprit condo was a less than ten minute drive from Stephanie’s house. For me, the ultra-luxury glass condo building was like living in a hotel. Seriously, everything I could possibly want or need was within that building. There was a gym, pool, hot tub, sauna, social room, library, billiards, squash court, bar-b-ques, 24-hour security, guest suites and lots of beautiful single women.

The real estate agent who handled my purchase knew exactly where my sweet spot lay. After telling him I was going through a divorce he casually mentioned how many singles had met other singles also living in the building and ended up getting married. He told me that there were plenty of beautiful single women living alone in the Esprit. Although getting remarried was the farthest thing from my mind, the thought of meeting a few beautiful single women was indeed very appealing and enticing.

Sold!

I purchased a one bedroom unit on the fifteenth floor.

It was on Valentine’s Day 2001 when I moved out of the house. I had originally planned to move out the following weekend, but to avoid any potential problems I decided to move out on the Wednesday the 14th. It was a very sad day for me; I had written Stephanie a heartfelt letter and left it on her bed for when she got home from school. In my letter, I explained I had moved out earlier on that day and although I would no longer be living at the house, I was still living very close by. We would be seeing each other all the time starting that weekend. I told her I loved her and I would always love her and she needed to be strong and be a good girl for her mother since it would be just the two of them now living in the house.

Living at the Esprit sure was a big change from what I was used to and I had absolutely no chores whatsoever. There would be no more cutting grass, picking up dog shit, shoveling snow or putting garbage out to the curb. Everything was taken care of and everything on the property was always kept in pristine, immaculate condition. Although, the now twelve year old Esprit had one of the highest maintenance fees at fifty cents per square foot per month. My $350 fee was worth every penny just to have my freedom from all of those menial household tasks.

I had taken possession of my condo the week earlier before I actually moved in. All my furniture was delivered and I thoroughly cleaned and repainted the complete apartment. I was now able to choose my own colours. I painted my bedroom in Toronto Maple Leafs blue and the rest of the condo was done in the New York Yankees battleship grey. They were by no means traditional colours, but like I said they were my colours.

I do wish now that I had put a bit more thought into my colour scheme.

After a few days, Stephanie came over for her first weekend visit. I had bought a leather sofa bed for Stephanie to sleep on, but she insisted on sleeping on the floor beside my bed. She was just ten years old and she already wanted to be her dad’s protector. She wanted to always be close by my side should an emergency arise and I needed her help. What could I say? The kid had already been through so much after her mother and I split up. Each time Stephanie came for her weekend visit at my condo, she along with Grace and a couple of her stuffed animals slept on blankets on the floor right beside my bed.

Stephanie loved waking up then walking over to the Tim Hortons which was right beside my building to get us muffins for breakfast. I think we always had muffins for breakfast. Stephanie always got the chocolate chip and I would get the blueberry muffin. I always watched her from my window walking over to the busy Tim’s. She was just ten years old and she was growing up so fast.

I was so damn proud of her.

On her first weekend visit, Stephanie insisted on going to the mall so I could get all the things I needed for my new condo. Little things like ice cube trays and small kitchen utensils she said would make my life easier. She also told me I would need some bathroom accessories and I let Stephanie decide on everything. When we returned from the mall that afternoon I had everything Stephanie told me that I needed.

I had spent well over five hundred dollars.

I now had a whisk, measuring cups, spatulas, egg flippers and a brand new can opener. I also had a new microwave oven and a clock for my kitchen. I bought matching dark blue sheets, pillowcases and a comforter to match my newly painted blue bedroom.

Stephanie also decided on a new bumblebee bathroom motif. I now had bumblebee shower curtain rings, soap and toothbrush holders, as well as a bumblebee drinking glass, garbage basket and hand towels. The only thing missing was a buzzing sound. Stephanie decided that a dark green shower curtain would work best with the entire little bumblebee collection now in my bathroom. The only problem was the dark green curtain blocked the light so I could barely see when I was inside the shower.

No worries, I absolutely loved my new bathroom.

Within a few weeks, I was starting to get used to living on my own. I was no longer crying myself to sleep and had very little communication with Bonnie. Because it was still winter, I was finishing work early and every day after work I was still checking the house mail before Bonnie got home. I had been very meticulous about covering all my bases. I transferred all my bank accounts to another bank only because we had a friend whose sister worked at the TD bank. She could have easily accessed all my investment information and my trading accounts should Bonnie have decided to start snooping around.

All my bills, banking and investment statements were already being mailed to a local mailbox rental I had set up months earlier when Bonnie first told me she wanted a divorce. I could not take the chance that any of my investment statements would be sent to the house by mistake and I needed to intercept any of my mail before it ever reached my ex-wife’s hands.

On one trip to check the mail, Bonnie had the lock changed on the mailbox. I was so pissed off when I discovered my old mail key no longer opened Bonnie’s mailbox. After a quick check, I found her new set of keys were sitting at the front door of her house. I grabbed the keys and paid the kid at the hardware store an extra ten bucks to cut me one of the new (never to be duplicated) mail keys. Within an hour I had Bonnie’s new keys back at her door as well there was a freshly cut mail key in my pocket. I continued on with checking her mailbox every day before she got home, but once I got busier and started working longer days I never bothered. Besides, there was never any mail that was addressed to me in her mailbox anyway.

I had indeed covered all my bases.

It still amazes me how my divorce literally cost me nothing, financially that is. Emotionally it cost me more than anyone will ever know, but financially I escaped completely unscathed with all my finances intact. If I needed any reinforcement about not giving Bonnie half of my investments it came when we split the equity in our house. The Bank of Montreal (BMO) who held our mortgage had determined the equity in our house was just over $130k or $65k each.

Because our $900 monthly mortgage payment came out of Bonnies BMO bank account she actually believed that the house was hers and I was entitled to nothing. Even though every other household expense which added up to well over $1700 a month I paid from my own account. A couple weeks later Bonnie begrudgingly handed me a cheque for $60k from her lawyer.

I confronted her about the other $5k she owed me, afterall our equity was to be split 50/50. She flat out told me she had many more expenses than I did and that I was lucky to be getting what she was giving me. I said nothing, not a single word. I knew right then that 50/50 was now off the table and I felt vindicated in keeping every penny that I had socked away. Bonnie thought she was pulling a fast one over on me by ripping me off a lousy five thousand dollars.

Oh Bonnie, if you only knew.

It was not too long after I moved into my condo, I realized my real estate agent was right about there being plenty of beautiful women living in my building. It seemed like I was always chatting with attractive women in the gym, elevators or the lobby. I was still early days into my bachelorhood and I wanted to have some intimacy back in my life. I was in no hurry to be in another relationship, but I found myself both curious and excited about exploring casual dating and maybe some casual no strings attached fun.

However, all of those beautiful women living in my condo would only be one of my options. There was something else that was just beginning to take the world by storm, the World Wide Web. Internet dating was still in its early stages yet it was becoming all the rage. It was already proving to be a great alternative for meeting sexy singles without all the hassles of the bar scene.

I already had my own computer; maybe I will just log on and see what was out there. You never know perhaps there is a hot, sexy, horny woman in cyberspace just looking for a guy like me.

Then again, maybe not.

But, I will never know unless I try.

Giddy up to the dial up.