Like A Runaway Train.

My Muskoka dream had finally became reality when Janine, Stephanie and myself moved into our new house in the town of Bracebridge back on November 22, 2004. The future looked so bright for all three of us on that day. I never thought it would have been possible, but within seven years none of us would be still living in our new house.

And, only one of us would still be living in Bracebridge.

So what went wrong?

My dream of living in Muskoka with the two most important people in my life at that time to put it bluntly had become a nightmare. Life in our new town started out great and the three of us were all very happy, but then slowly everything began to spiral downhill. Like a runaway train both my relationship with my daughter and my fiancé eventually went right off the rails.

The three of us became a train wreck and it was not a pretty sight.

Stephanie lived with me for 1066 days before she moved to the United States to go live with her mother. I will never forget the day; it was on Canada Day July 1st 2006 when I put my daughter on a plane for the last time. It was a very emotional day and I cried like a baby after saying our goodbyes. I knew in my heart on that day that our relationship would never be the same ever again.

How could it be?

Honestly, it felt as if I had been slapped in the face by my own daughter after Stephanie chose to go live with her mother. A mother who had proven beyond a shadow of doubt to be nothing but a filthy liar and a cheater. A mother who had forsaken her own daughter after she selfishly tore our family apart to marry another man and then go live in another country. However what was even more insulting and even more hurtful to me was that my own daughter was now choosing to live with her mother's new African American husband. The same man she had repeatedly told me that she loathed and despised.

To me it was plain and simple, Stephanie was now choosing a black man over her own father.

Both Janine and I provided Stephanie with a beautiful home along with an environment for her to potentially succeed and excel. She was now enrolled in a brand new high school and she was making many new friends. However, like any normal parent I laid down a few ground rules right from the start. The rules were nothing like the rules my mother had inflicted on me during my teenage years. We had normal household rules that even the most lenient of parents would have put in place for their kids.

I would never have considered Stephanie a rebellious kid. Although, she did get her back up when I told her she would not be going out with boys or have a cellphone until she was sixteen years old. Stephanie just could not accept that she was not allowed to go out with a boy without a curfew at fifteen years of age. Most of her girlfriends already had a boyfriend and my daughter wanted to have a boyfriend also.

I did not and would not budge on my stance.

My daughter would never be running around Bracebridge without a curfew or me not knowing who she was with or where she was going. I told Stephanie repeatedly that even at sixteen if and when she had a boyfriend, she would have a curfew. Her mother after knowing how I felt about Stephanie having a cellphone purchased her one with a plan for Christmas anyway when she was still fifteen years old.

As well Stephanie’s habitual and constant lying over the stupidest things created a very untrustworthy atmosphere within our home. At one point it had gotten so bad I felt I needed to discuss the issue with Bonnie. Bonnie’s response was typical, pathetic and lame. Instead of supporting me she simply shrugged off our daughter’s lying as nothing but a phase she was going through. Bonnie told me that she most likely lied to me because she was afraid of me.

She said Stephanie was living in fear of me.

Stephanie’s mother continually added fuel to an increasing volatile situation within our home. With Bonnie’s mother Lorna now living in Huntsville, she too also eventually became a constant source of irritation for both Janine and me. Both Bonnie and her mother just could not keep their noses out of mine and Janine’s affairs. Bonnie’s constant undermining me as a parent began to slowly erode my relationship with my daughter. She went behind my back and against my wishes numerous times during the short time while Stephanie lived with me.

Bonnie never respected me as a parent or any of my decisions.

Case in point, I recall the time when Bonnie told Steph to quit her part-time job at the Rexall. Bonnie had agreed that she would send Stephanie the money that she would normally be earning. All this after I had told Steph she had to have a part-time job for her own pocket money while living under my roof.

It was part of teaching her responsibility and having a bit of structure in her life. If Stephanie wanted her own spending money, she needed to earn it. Stephanie had a great part-time job right in town. She was in a union and earned above average wages with benefits. Her boss Richard wanted her to work a couple nights each week and on weekends. I myself thought it was a bit too much especially during the school year and Stephanie also did not want to work that much either. We all agreed that each week during the school year she would work one evening shift and either the Saturday or Sunday to 6 pm. After each of Stephanie’s shifts, I picked her up and drove her home.

One evening Janine and I arrived home to find a sealed envelope addressed to Richard on the kitchen counter. I asked Steph what was in the envelope and she told me it was her resignation letter, she was quitting her job. She told me that her mother told her to quit because she no longer liked working at the store. Bonnie agreed to send her the money she normally would have earned so she would still have her own spending money.

Naturally, I was livid and angry at both Stephanie and Bonnie.

I ripped up the letter and told my daughter that so long as she was living with me she would always have a part-time job. I told her she didn’t have to work at the store, but she could only quit once she had found another job.

Stephanie reluctantly continued working at the Rexall.

While working there she got a staff discount on all her purchases and began to regularly buy and use a skin bronzer lotion. Many of our towels and sheets were ruined as a result because the lotion would permanently stain any fabric she came in contact with. My guess is that she was using way too much of the product and we eventually asked Stephanie to stop using the bronzer.

Stephanie reluctantly agreed to stop using the bronzer.

Another case in point was when Bonnie funded a sweet sixteen birthday party for Steph after I had cancelled the original party at our house. Janine and I had promised her a party where she could invite 20-30 of her friends over for an outdoor backyard party and bar-b-que. A 16th birthday is a milestone birthday in any young girl’s life so naturally both Janine and I wanted it to be special for Stephanie. There was however one condition, one stipulation. If Stephanie lied to either of us again there would absolutely be no party. I made it perfectly clear that one more lie and I would be pulling the plug on her party in a heartbeat.

One afternoon while Janine was talking with a neighbor at our front door Stephanie walked past her on her way to meet friends. Stephanie had an orange glow about her as she walked past Janine. Janine inquired if she had started using the bronzer again. Stephanie told Janine she had not touched the product since we had told her not to use it. Janine knew right away that she was lying and once Janine went back in the house she found an empty tube of the bronzer hidden deep in the garbage.

Stephanie had told another bold faced lie and like I had promised, her 16th birthday party was cancelled. Naturally my ex-wife did not agree, she said I was being too hard on our daughter. I told Bonnie that I would not be changing my mind and the party was cancelled. Right away Bonnie asked Steph unbeknownst to me to see if any of her friends would host her party. One of Stephanie’s school friends who lived in a rural area had talked to her parents about having the party on their property. Her parents agreed to host Stephanie’s sweet sixteen party. It would also be a much bigger party and many more kids would be invited to attend. Stephanie would also be sleeping overnight at her friend’s house as the party would be continuing well into the night.

Once all the behind my back arrangements were finalized Bonnie paid for everything. Bonnie had even arranged for her mother to drive down from Huntsville and take Stephanie to her party as well as picking her up and taking her home the following day. So my daughter Stephanie did indeed have her sweet sixteen party afterall and within two weeks she had moved out from our home and was living with her mother in the States.

These are just a couple of examples how Bonnie was constantly interfering and creating conflict between me and my daughter. It was relentless how Bonnie who was now unhappy in her own marriage kept trying to entice Stephanie to come and live with her. She constantly let Stephanie know that there would be none of her father's rules if she came to the States to live. Stephanie could have all the freedoms that her father had taken away from her.

As a single father trying to raise his teenage daughter in a small town, I could not compete with what Bonnie was offering Stephanie. Nor was I willing to compete with Bonnie. So long as Stephanie lived with me there would always be rules and there would always be consequences if the rules were not followed.

Period.

Once Stephanie moved to the States, sadly I became aware of some of the things my daughter had gotten up to behind my back while living with me. There were some things that Janine had heard about, but would not even share with me because she knew I would be very upset. I was very disappointed in Janine and with what I was now hearing, but I should not have been too surprised. Just like I had done to my own mother when I was a teenager, Stephanie also had indeed pulled the wool over my eyes many times.

Although I always tried to do my best, my best obviously was not good enough for my daughter. There is no doubt when I reflect back on those years, I absolutely wish things would have been so much different, so much better. At times I wonder if maybe moving to a small town was such a good idea afterall. Bracebridge is a sleepy little town and there are not a lot of options or opportunities for a teenager. Most kids who grow up here leave after high school to get an education and most don’t return to pursue their chosen careers.

I don't regret moving to Bracebridge back in November 2004. Afterall, it was both Janine and Stephanie who begged and persuaded me to make the move back when we did. Although, I do regret that the runaway train never got back on the rails and we all wound up being such a train wreck.