Shunned, Stunned And Left For Dead.

Back in the spring of 1987 both my mother and brother completely severed whatever relationship they had with Bonnie and me. I will never forget the Sunday afternoon when my mother called Bonnie to ask if both her and my brother could drop by. She said there was something important that they both wanted to discuss with both of us. Bonnie immediately asked if they wanted to stay for dinner to which my mother replied that they would not be able to stay for dinner.

During the first few years of our marriage Bonnie’s relationship with her own mother had drastically improved and they were now much closer. Likewise with my mother, Bonnie had developed a very close relationship. I could soon see happening exactly what I had warned Bonnie about when I first introduced her to my mother. I had warned Bonnie how my mother would always be scheming of a way for both of us to become Jehovah’s Witnesses. My mother wanted nothing more than to see her firstborn son along with his new wife to start attending the Kingdom Hall again.

She was very subtle in her ways.

She slowly began to introduce Bonnie to many of the young Witness girls from her Kingdom Hall. For the most part they were all around Bonnie’s age and there would always be some type of get together. On many occasions Bonnie was invited so she went with my mother. Bonnie always had a good time and she enjoyed their company, likewise they all liked Bonnie. It had gotten to the point where I could soon see Bonnie actually attending a Sunday meeting with my mother. Although Bonnie was open to the idea, I knew one thing for sure. I would never be setting foot back in the Kingdom Hall ever again.

'Jehovah works in mysterious ways' my mother always reminded me.

On that Sunday afternoon we were still living in Weston, but we had moved into a larger two bedroom apartment. I was in the bedroom that we had converted into a TV room watching a game when my mother and brother arrived. I heard Bonnie answer the door and then immediately I heard very loud crying. Bonnie was asking them what was wrong, I immediately came out from the bedroom thinking someone had fuck’n died.

Within a couple minutes both my mother and brother had stopped crying and were now sitting on our sectional couch. They asked Bonnie and me to also sit down. Neither of us had any idea what was going on nor were we even remotely prepared to hear what we were about to hear.

My mother was firm as she spoke.

She told me that when she and my brother left our apartment that afternoon; we would no longer be part of their lives. They were no longer going to be having anything to do with either me or Bonnie. It would now be as if I was dead to both of them my mother told me.

So I was right when I had thought someone had died.

That someone would be me.

“What did I do now?” I asked my mother, still stunned by what I had just heard.

My mother briefly explained that because I had been raised a Jehovah’s Witness and I was now living a 'worldly' lifestyle they would be shunning me from their lives. I reminded my mother I had never dedicated my life to her God nor was I ever baptized.

None of that mattered anymore.

Once again my feeble mother’s conscience would be controlling her decision. Like I have mentioned in previous memories my mother’s conscience always dictated how she lived her life. My spineless, mindless brother was even more pathetic. He was twenty-four years old without a mind of his own while still clutching onto our mommy's apron strings.

I expected better from him.

Bonnie was very upset and sobbing as my mother and brother walked out of our apartment for the last time. I felt so bad for Bonnie because she had become very close to my mother. Personally, I had lived with my mother’s mental health issues all my life and nothing she ever did pertaining to her fanatical religious beliefs could ever have surprised me. However, I must admit I was a bit taken back by what went down on that Sunday afternoon.

I had been shunned, stunned and left for dead.

What really surprised me the most was how my mother in less than fifteen minutes had shattered any hopes of Bonnie someday attending the Kingdom Hall. For years she had been subtly sowing her seeds, but now they would never bear fruit.

Fast forward three years later to 1990.

Bonnie is now pregnant with Stephanie and she is due sometime towards the end of June. Neither of us had spoken to or seen either my mother or brother since that Sunday afternoon three years earlier.

I stand corrected.

I did see my mother once one afternoon at a shopping plaza, Bonnie was with me. My mother and I made direct eye contact as she continued to walk right past me like I didn’t even exist. It was as if I wasn’t even there, it was as if I was a ghost. I asked Bonnie if she saw her also, but my mother had already disappeared into the crowd behind us. Bonnie never saw her. I can't even fathom how my own mother could so callously ignore her firstborn child who she had given birth to almost three decades earlier.

Anyways, a couple weeks before Stephanie was due to arrive I got a little surprise. My Uncle Nick who was also a Witness was waiting for me at work one afternoon. I had just parked my truck in the yard when he approached me.

“What do you want?” I asked him.

“I need to talk with you,” he told me.

“Your mother and brother have both realized they made a terrible mistake.” He added.

How cowardly, I thought to myself. Both my mother and brother had no problem showing up at our apartment three years earlier to tell me I was dead to them. But, it is my uncle who shows up to beg for my forgiveness when they want back into my life. I told my uncle I would need to talk it over with Bonnie and I sincerely doubted either of us would ever be welcoming them back into our lives. Three years was a long time and both Bonnie and I had already moved on from both of them. We didn’t need or wanted to be subjected to any of their fanatical JW cult shit ever again.

It was as if they were now dead to us I told my uncle. It was the classic out of sight, out of mind. We never saw them so we never thought about them.

I actually don’t recall ever missing not having my mother or brother in my life over the course of those three years. It wasn’t like Bonnie and I were sitting around waiting to go out to dinner at Swiss Chalet with them. Truthfully, I can never remember ever being that close to my brother and maybe our three year age difference had something to do with it. I think that might have been the case while growing up back in the Jungle. But once we got older it would be his devoutness to the Jehovah's Witnesses that prevented us from ever having any real brotherly bond.

Back in the mid-80's, my brother had already pretty much ruined any relationship we might have had together. He quit my hockey team because the elders at the Kingdom Hall told him he was setting a bad example. With him now playing hockey with us non-Witness 'worldlings', he was now a bad example to other young JW kids at the hall. My brother loved playing hockey and he was one of our better players. When he quit, I knew his faith just like our mother would be dictating his life going forward.

Once my brother made the decision to join our mother in shunning me, I washed my hands of him completely. That would be the final straw. To me he had become nothing but a Kool-Aid drinking cult member who I no longer wanted any part of.

After talking with Bonnie about what my uncle had disclosed, Bonnie and I decided to accept my mother back into our lives. I was very reluctant, but Bonnie wanted our child to have a relationship with both grandmothers while they were still alive. With my father having passed away a decade earlier and Bonnie’s father a chronic severe alcoholic, we knew our soon to be born child would not be having a grandfather in their life.

My brother himself had also gotten married before shunning me back in ‘87. Naturally and unlike me he married a Witness girl. Tina was from Michigan and they have a son Erik who is my only nephew. Erik was born during the three years while I was being shunned. With the three of them now living in the Detroit area, it was highly unlikely that Stephanie would ever have any type of relationship with her only cousin, aunt or uncle.

Just like my mother had prevented her own mother from being a doting grandmother to both my brother and me, my mother was far from a doting grandmother to her only granddaughter. I have no doubt she loved Stephanie, but she just always seemed to have a hard time showing any real affection. Stephanie loved and respected both her grandmothers equally, but there was no doubt and understandably Bonnie’s mother Lorna was her favorite granny.

Once Bonnie and I split up, my mother was so upset I don’t think she ever spoke to Bonnie again. With me now living on my own, it would now be my sole responsibility to maintain Stephanie’s relationship with my mother going forward. My mother had been diagnosed and was now living with Parkinson’s disease. Our mother’s ongoing health issues would be the only reason why my brother and I still had each other's phone numbers. Something tells me going forward Stephanie and I will be seeing a lot more of my mother, a lot more than I ever thought I would or I wanted to.

Maybe now would be a good time for me to start shunning my own mother.