A Kiss For Farrah.
If I was to ask what you thought the bestselling poster of all time was, what would be your guess? I’ll give you a couple hints, 1976 and a red bathing suit.
Now, what would be your guess?
I was sixteen years old when one of the most famous, bestselling posters of all time graced my bedroom wall. With her streaked blond hair, infectious smile and perky nipples strategically tucked into a red one piece bathing suit, Farrah Fawcett became an overnight sensation.
The poster was everywhere and it sold well over 12 million copies worldwide.
For me, when I was sixteen the 29 year old blue eyed Farrah Fawcett was the perfect woman. She was absolutely gorgeous and I would have drank her bath water in a heartbeat. In my teenage dreams she was the woman I would someday marry and would have kids with. She was the woman who in her fifties would still look exactly like the woman on my bedroom wall.
My teenage dreams turned out to be nothing but fictitious fantasies.
Now, what would be your guess?
I was sixteen years old when one of the most famous, bestselling posters of all time graced my bedroom wall. With her streaked blond hair, infectious smile and perky nipples strategically tucked into a red one piece bathing suit, Farrah Fawcett became an overnight sensation.
The poster was everywhere and it sold well over 12 million copies worldwide.
For me, when I was sixteen the 29 year old blue eyed Farrah Fawcett was the perfect woman. She was absolutely gorgeous and I would have drank her bath water in a heartbeat. In my teenage dreams she was the woman I would someday marry and would have kids with. She was the woman who in her fifties would still look exactly like the woman on my bedroom wall.
My teenage dreams turned out to be nothing but fictitious fantasies.
In addition to the poster, I also purchased a tee shirt with the same Farrah photo on the front and I wore Farrah everywhere that summer.
Although not nearly as popular, another poster from the summer of ‘76 was the KISS Destroyer album cover poster. The Destroyer album was the band's fourth and featured the very un-KISS-like ballad Beth. Surprisingly, Beth was the highest ever charting single from the band reaching #7 on the Billboard Top 100 chart.
Drummer Peter Criss was the only KISS member on the Beth track. It was the only KISS song ever recorded with no instrumental or vocal performances by any other band members. Peter was backed up only by a piano and a string orchestra which was a stark departure from the band's usual hard rock oriented sound.
Beth and Farrah just seemed to go hand in hand for me that summer. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing the song Beth on the radio or seeing Farrah's poster plastered on a wall somewhere.
Back in 1976, I was a huge KISS fan.
I can recall many summer Friday nights in downtown Toronto cruising Yonge Street with my friend Dan who was a couple years older than me. We’d be driving up and down the strip in his old blue Cutlass Supreme with all the windows rolled down. The Destroyer album would be pounding from the huge rear speakers and the Pioneer 8 Track stereo was always cranked at max volume. I swear at every red light our music was the loudest on the street. Once the light turned green, Dan's very loud Thrush muffler side pipes would momentarily drown out KISS.
But, only for a moment.
Along with my Farrah poster, I also had a few KISS posters on my wall. It was always a mystery to me how my mother who was a devout Jehovah's Witness never had any issue with either, especially the sexy Farrah poster.
Everything though was about to change.
Although my mother was very naïve, she must have known the explicit thoughts that Farrah was sure to conjure up within her teenage son’s mind. In my mind I fornicated so many times with the soon to be Charlie’s Angel. On one afternoon after I returned to my apartment, my mother was visibly upset. She had just had a visit from one of the elders at her Kingdom Hall and for whatever reason he had seen my bedroom posters.
Although not nearly as popular, another poster from the summer of ‘76 was the KISS Destroyer album cover poster. The Destroyer album was the band's fourth and featured the very un-KISS-like ballad Beth. Surprisingly, Beth was the highest ever charting single from the band reaching #7 on the Billboard Top 100 chart.
Drummer Peter Criss was the only KISS member on the Beth track. It was the only KISS song ever recorded with no instrumental or vocal performances by any other band members. Peter was backed up only by a piano and a string orchestra which was a stark departure from the band's usual hard rock oriented sound.
Beth and Farrah just seemed to go hand in hand for me that summer. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing the song Beth on the radio or seeing Farrah's poster plastered on a wall somewhere.
Back in 1976, I was a huge KISS fan.
I can recall many summer Friday nights in downtown Toronto cruising Yonge Street with my friend Dan who was a couple years older than me. We’d be driving up and down the strip in his old blue Cutlass Supreme with all the windows rolled down. The Destroyer album would be pounding from the huge rear speakers and the Pioneer 8 Track stereo was always cranked at max volume. I swear at every red light our music was the loudest on the street. Once the light turned green, Dan's very loud Thrush muffler side pipes would momentarily drown out KISS.
But, only for a moment.
Along with my Farrah poster, I also had a few KISS posters on my wall. It was always a mystery to me how my mother who was a devout Jehovah's Witness never had any issue with either, especially the sexy Farrah poster.
Everything though was about to change.
Although my mother was very naïve, she must have known the explicit thoughts that Farrah was sure to conjure up within her teenage son’s mind. In my mind I fornicated so many times with the soon to be Charlie’s Angel. On one afternoon after I returned to my apartment, my mother was visibly upset. She had just had a visit from one of the elders at her Kingdom Hall and for whatever reason he had seen my bedroom posters.
He told my mother that KISS stood for Knight’s In Satanic Service.
He urged her to have all my demonic KISS posters taken down and thrown into the garbage immediately. Furthermore, they couldn’t be just thrown in the garbage under our kitchen sink. No, they had to be taken down the hallway to our building's garbage chute and incinerated.
Seriously?
My mother commanded me to immediately do exactly what the elder said she should have me do.
“What about my Farrah poster?” I asked
“The Farrah poster is fine, but I want anything to do with those demonized KISS people out of my house immediately” she emphatically said.
As I stood on my bed, I think I had three maybe four KISS posters that I tore off the wall. I threw them all into the incinerator like she had commanded. I had no idea what KISS actually stood for if anything, but I was pretty damn sure it was not what my mother had been told by the elder. That afternoon, my mother also forbade me to ever go to a KISS concert while I lived under her roof. There was absolutely no way either of her sons was ever going to become a Knight In Satanic Service.
Once again it was just another example of my mother going to the extreme regarding her fanatical religious beliefs. I was used to it; it was a regular occurrence while living under her roof.
To me KISS was a very popular, harmless, gimmicky, makeup wearing rock & roll band. To my mother KISS had been sent to this earth by Satan. It was KISS sole purpose to corrupt young impressionable minds like mine and my younger brother through their music. By subliminally coercing me into perusing Satan's evil ways, it would no doubt see me cast out from our Kingdom Hall.
He urged her to have all my demonic KISS posters taken down and thrown into the garbage immediately. Furthermore, they couldn’t be just thrown in the garbage under our kitchen sink. No, they had to be taken down the hallway to our building's garbage chute and incinerated.
Seriously?
My mother commanded me to immediately do exactly what the elder said she should have me do.
“What about my Farrah poster?” I asked
“The Farrah poster is fine, but I want anything to do with those demonized KISS people out of my house immediately” she emphatically said.
As I stood on my bed, I think I had three maybe four KISS posters that I tore off the wall. I threw them all into the incinerator like she had commanded. I had no idea what KISS actually stood for if anything, but I was pretty damn sure it was not what my mother had been told by the elder. That afternoon, my mother also forbade me to ever go to a KISS concert while I lived under her roof. There was absolutely no way either of her sons was ever going to become a Knight In Satanic Service.
Once again it was just another example of my mother going to the extreme regarding her fanatical religious beliefs. I was used to it; it was a regular occurrence while living under her roof.
To me KISS was a very popular, harmless, gimmicky, makeup wearing rock & roll band. To my mother KISS had been sent to this earth by Satan. It was KISS sole purpose to corrupt young impressionable minds like mine and my younger brother through their music. By subliminally coercing me into perusing Satan's evil ways, it would no doubt see me cast out from our Kingdom Hall.
The reproach upon my mother would be too much for her to bear.
My mother never knew that I had indeed attended my first KISS concert at Maple Leaf Gardens on August 4th 1979. I too also became a full-fledged member of the KISS Army while living under her roof and I had become a true knight in Satanic service at sixteen years old.
After that summer my Farrah tee shirt had been worn and washed so often. My perfect specimen of a woman began to fade, crack and eventually peel off. It too ended up in the garbage, but I did keep the poster on my wall for another year.
Slowly my infatuation with Farrah began to fade. Although, it never did go away completely. She was soon to be replaced by Olivia Newton-John. My infatuation for Olivia would now carry me through the rest of my teenage years.
Even my mother liked the pretty and wholesome Miss Newton-John.
Looking back, I still find it rather amusing how my mother would have all my KISS posters destroyed based on an elder’s whimsical made up acronym. Yet, she and the elder had no issue with a poster of a scantily clad sex symbol right beside my bed.
Back during my teenage years, there was no rhyme or reason for many of my mother’s whimsical decisions. I just went with the flow because I had to. Otherwise, this knight in Satanic service would have been cast out from under her roof and our Kingdom Hall.
Seriously, it couldn’t happen soon enough.
My mother never knew that I had indeed attended my first KISS concert at Maple Leaf Gardens on August 4th 1979. I too also became a full-fledged member of the KISS Army while living under her roof and I had become a true knight in Satanic service at sixteen years old.
After that summer my Farrah tee shirt had been worn and washed so often. My perfect specimen of a woman began to fade, crack and eventually peel off. It too ended up in the garbage, but I did keep the poster on my wall for another year.
Slowly my infatuation with Farrah began to fade. Although, it never did go away completely. She was soon to be replaced by Olivia Newton-John. My infatuation for Olivia would now carry me through the rest of my teenage years.
Even my mother liked the pretty and wholesome Miss Newton-John.
Looking back, I still find it rather amusing how my mother would have all my KISS posters destroyed based on an elder’s whimsical made up acronym. Yet, she and the elder had no issue with a poster of a scantily clad sex symbol right beside my bed.
Back during my teenage years, there was no rhyme or reason for many of my mother’s whimsical decisions. I just went with the flow because I had to. Otherwise, this knight in Satanic service would have been cast out from under her roof and our Kingdom Hall.
Seriously, it couldn’t happen soon enough.
*Update - Sadly on June 25th 2009 at age 62 Farrah Fawcett passed away from cancer.
*Update - Also on August 8th 2022 at age 73 Olivia Newton-John passed away after a 30 year battle with breast cancer.
*Update - After a 50 year run KISS would play their final concert on December 2 2023 at Madison Square Garden in NYC.
