Poisoned Tipped Bottle Caps.

There have been a few times in my life when I have been involved in incidents involving the police that even to this day I am still amazed that I escaped completely unscathed.

In other words, I wasn’t arrested or charged.

I remember one such incident occurred back in the fall of 1982 when I was just newly married. I was working in the ice cream business and with the slower fall schedule I would have the occasional weekday off. Bonnie worked Monday to Friday, so my days off were usually spent on my own. Many of my days off would see me up at Doublerink Arenas for the morning shinny session. 

Doublerink was just north of the city limits up in Concord. It was a fun way to kill a morning and many times I would be joined by my good friend Paul. Paul had a very flexible work schedule and over the years we played a lot of morning shinny together up at Doublerink. On one such day Paul and I had just finished playing, it was around noon and I was heading back to my apartment in the Weston area of Toronto.

Back in 1982, Concord and the area around Doublerink still had not been developed and Jane Street was just a two lane road. 

As I left the arena parking lot I made a left turn heading south onto Jane Street. It was a beautiful sunny fall day and I had all the windows down in my red '76 Buick Century. The breeze was a welcome relief on my still hot and sweaty body from the morning skate. I looked out my rearview mirror only to see that there was now a fast approaching red car coming up right behind me. Paul now had to wait until that red car passed before he could also make the same left turn onto Jane Street.

Within seconds the red car pulled out to pass and it was right beside me. There were two young guys in the car and the guy sitting in the front passenger seat was leaning out the window. I could hear him screaming profanities and cursing me as they remained side-by-side with me. There was no traffic approaching northbound as I looked over and flipped him the bird. The guy who had been yelling now began throwing something at me.

Nothing actually hit me, but I could hear what sounded like metal or rocks hitting my car. I had no idea what he was throwing, but I was pretty pissed off. The two guys accelerated as they took off south on Jane Street. I sped up to follow them, but with all the other traffic on the street I quickly lost sight of them. I did however get the license plate number of their car. Within five minutes I was stopped at a red light while still heading south on Jane at Finch Avenue. I glanced over and surprisingly I saw the red car that I had attempted to follow waiting over in the left turn lane.

Right away I decided I would teach those two clowns a little lesson. I got out of my car and quickly ran over to their car. I then casually ripped the antenna right off the hood and I threw the now busted antenna onto the windshield before running back over to my car. The light immediately turned green and I proceeded through the intersection continuing my journey home.

Unbeknownst to me, it seems Buddy decided not to make his left turn afterall. Instead he screeched his tires and he was now headed south chasing after me. Unbeknownst to Buddy, there was an undercover cop in a parking lot who saw his stupid stunt. The cop was now also heading south chasing after Buddy and I had no idea where Paul was during this time.

I proceeded past both Sheppard and Wilson Avenues and was approaching the Hwy 401 overpass. In my rearview mirror I noticed two police cars quickly approaching with lights flashing. I was right under the overpass when both of the police cars pulled me over. One car was in front of me and the other, an unmarked car was behind. Paul had now caught up and he too pulled over behind the unmarked cruiser.

I had no idea why I had been pulled over because I was not speeding. I quickly suspected that it had something to do with me ripping the antenna off the car back at Finch Avenue. The officer approached my car and confirmed my suspicion, he then told me to come back with him and sit in the backseat of his cruiser. While I was walking back to the police car Paul had gotten out of his car to ask me what was going on. Paul had no idea what had happened since we left the arena.

Paul’s father is a lawyer and he asked the officer if he could also sit with me in the backseat of the unmarked cruiser. The officer had no problem with Paul being there and within a minute the two of us were both sitting in the back of the police car. The other police car left the scene and drove away.

As it turns out it would become a tale of the two red cars. First was mine and second was Buddy's, the guy with the busted antenna. There was also some confusion on the officer’s part. The officer whose police car I was now sitting in was on patrol in the Jane and Finch area when he heard the screeching of tires which caught his attention. When he looked as to where he had heard the screeching sound he witnessed the aftermath of a red car speeding off down Jane Street.

Another driver in another car had witnessed me ripping off the antenna and had taken my license plate number down. This same driver also witnessed the undercover police cars pursuit. The red car with the broken antenna was quickly pulled over. The other driver also stopped to inform the cop he had the wrong red car. He told the cop what I had done and gave him my license plate number. For whatever reason, the cop got back into his car and began the chase down Jane Street looking for me and my red car. He quickly found us and now had us pulled over under the Hwy 401 overpass.

The officer told me that I was in big trouble.

The officer wanted to know the events that had led up to me sitting in the back of his cruiser. I explained everything about Paul and me leaving Doublerink after shinny. I told him that I had been driving down Jane Street when two guys in a red car pulled up right beside me.

Now this is when I decided to get a bit creative.

I told the officer that a Chinese guy was leaning out the passenger seat window. For whatever reason, he began to throw poison tipped ninja stars at me while my window was down. I also told the officer that one of the ninja stars had whizzed right by my head as it entered my driver side window and exited right out the open passenger side window. I also suggested that he could search the area with a metal detector if he didn’t believe me. He would be sure to find the lethal weapon with fingerprints hiding in the long grass along the side of Jane Street just south of Doublerink if he wanted the proof.

Even while writing this story thirty years later I still can’t believe I told that story to a police officer while sitting in the back of his cruiser. Paul couldn’t believe it either and within ten minutes both me and Paul were now sitting in an interview room at the 31 Division police station. I was now going to be charged with mischief, the legal term for vandalism. I still have no idea how Paul did it, but he was able to talk the officer out of not charging me at all. I just sat in the room while Paul did most of the talking and I don’t think the officer was buying my poison tipped ninja stars story. Whatever happened during the thirty minutes while sitting in the interview room would allow me to walk right out the front door with absolutely no consequences for my stupidity or my vandalism.

However, there would be one more hurdle before I could taste freedom once again. While we were in the interview room two guys also walked into the station. One of the guys was there to file a report concerning damage that had been done to his car’s antenna. 

I kid you not. 

It was the same driver the officer who now had me in the interview room had originally pulled over on Jane Street. The same driver he had left at the side of the road to go after me. It was the same driver who was now facing the very serious charge of careless driving for his dangerous stunt back at the Jane and Finch intersection.

Seriously, I cannot make this shit up.

The driver was a young Italian kid. He admitted that he was indeed the one who had screeched his tires racing down Jane Street after some guy had ripped the antenna off his car. That guy would be me. He told the officer that he had been cut off by the same guy in a red car up in Concord.

The officer asked him about the poisoned tipped ninja stars. 

He told the officer that his friend who was also Italian and not Chinese had thrown bottle caps at the car after being cut off. He also apologized for his actions, he said it was his father’s car and he begged the officer not to charge him with careless driving. The officer came back into our room and told me I was free to leave. Paul confirmed that the guy was speeding and that I had not cut anyone off when we left Doublerink. 

As Paul and I left the station we could see the officer was now talking with the two Italian guys in another room. I don’t know whatever happened to the Italian guy who was driving his father’s car. My guess is the cop eventually sent him on his way home like me with a warning and without any charges.

Afterall, it was a classic case of no harm no foul, well with the exception of the busted antenna. 

But, it sure could have been so much worse.

What if they had been poison tipped bottles caps?