Zap 'em Punch Batman's With Ya!

One of my favorite all-time Toronto Maple Leaf players would have to be Dave ‘Tiger’ Williams. Tiger was a pugilist rough and ready Prairie boy who made the big leagues by not backing down and taking on all comers.

It was back in 1974 and after being drafted by the Cincinnati Stingers of the WHA, Tiger elected to forgo the new upstart league. He decided to play for the Leafs who held his NHL rights. Leaf fans will never forget the year this brash twenty year old cocky kid began patrolling the left wing for the blue and white. Wearing number twenty-two Tiger was a welcome breath of fresh air for all of us long suffering Leaf fans.

The decade of the 70's would see Toronto’s historic franchise marred in sub mediocrity. Only once the team would go on to play past the second round of the playoffs. The Leafs defeated the pre-dynasty New York Islanders in 1978, but then would lose to the mighty Habs in the semis. A team stacked with talent, the likes of Darryl Sittler, Lanny Mcdonald, Ian Turnbull, Mike Palmateer and Borje Salming. Not to mention a handful of high draft picks, the buds just never seemed to reach their full potential.

So much more was expected, but the Leafs would remain as usual supreme underachievers. None of that seemed to matter to Harold Ballard, the Leafs' curmudgeon and once convicted felon owner. Ballard would sit in his Maple Leaf Gardens north end bunker always amid sell out crowds. Money was being made hand over fist at what many referred to as the Carlton Street Cashbox and that was all that would matter to Harold.

Leaf fans always gluttons for punishment, forever proclaiming that the next season would be the one. Finally, out of the mediocrity a fan favorite would emerge. A gun collecting, jeep driving farm boy began racking up penalty minutes and scoring goals. 

A goal scoring enforcer, was it even possible?

Yes.

Tiger quickly became the leagues' penalty minutes leader with no shortage of enforcers waiting nightly in the old weak sister ‘Chuck’ Norris division. It would be the Tiger Williams #22 jerseys that quickly became the best seller at Doug Laurie Sports located within the Gardens lobby. With his stick pumping hand waving goal celebrations to his ‘done like dinner’ quotes, Tiger was and still remains one of the most popular Leaf players in team history.

Punch Imlach who was the Leaf GM when Tiger was on the prowl, grew tired of the country club atmosphere around the team. Imlach's mission would be to clean house, disenchanted with many of the veteran's play. Imlach began by trading Leaf stalwarts as well he wanted to rid himself of dealing with Captain Darryl Sittler. Darryl, he thought had become a little too big for his britches off the ice and a little too slow on the ice. Since Sittler’s contract would not allow a trade unless he approved, the Leaf Captain would not be going anywhere anytime soon.

Punch started to dismantle the team in December 1979. He infuriated fans and Darryl by trading his best friend and fan favorite Lanny McDonald to the Colorado Rockies. Naturally I too was totally pissed off, but my disgust and contempt for Punch would be reserved for February 18, 1980. Tiger along with little known Jerry Butler were traded to the Vancouver Canucks for Rick Vaive and Bill Derlago.

I immediately phoned Maple Leaf Gardens to express my anger and disgust. My rampant vulgarity heaped upon the poor innocent woman who happened to be working the switchboard that day. Still seething I then phoned the Toronto Sun and placed an ad in the personals section of the classifieds.

"PUNCH-You are old, please die soon.-BATMAN."

The ad would be published in bold letters the following day. I even paid a bit extra for the larger, bolder PUNCH heading. My ad appeared just the way I expected in the Tuesday, February 19th edition. Over the course of that day I fielded a few calls from friends who saw the ad and had recognized the Batman handle. I had been given the nickname Batman while working at Collegiate Sports. I don't know why, but the name just seemed to stick. Even my employee ‘Tough to Beat’ name tag was labeled BATMAN.

I was actually surprised just how many people had seen my ad in the paper.

That night the Leafs were in Long Island for a game against the Islanders. The following morning in the Sun’s sports section right under the game recap was a bold heading. 

“Zap em’ Punch, Batman’s with ya!” with a half page spoof about my ad from the previous day.

It was hilarious how the Sun staff writer had taken scenarios from the old Batman television series. Batman along with Robin the boy wonder, Alfred and Commissioner Gordon were at the ready to aid Punch in his quest to rid the world of such a malcontent hockey team. I phoned and spoke to the writer to tell him I loved the article and thought he had been very clever. He explained that after my ad ran in the classifieds, the phone rang off the hook at the Sun. Many readers thought my ad was in very poor taste and some readers wondered how the Sun could even have printed my ad in the first place. The ad attracted a lot of attention and that is why the Sun decided to go with the spoof. It was all in good fun and I am sure even Punch Imlach was made aware of the caped crusader's wishes for his quick demise.

Tiger would go on to have his best year statistically in Vancouver. He also played in the 1981 All-Star game on a line with Wayne Gretzky and Mike Bossy. Dave 'Tiger' Williams is still the NHL's all-time penalty minutes leader with a staggering 3966 minutes (4421 including playoffs).

Punch would go on to live for another 2844 days after my ad ran back on that cold February day in 1980 until his death on December 1st, 1987 at the age of sixty-nine. 

What is the moral of this story?

Be careful what you wish for, it may eventually come true.

Sorry Mr. Imlach, I honestly didn't mean it.

Batman.